Y'all! What even! It's been 23 years! I'm an old man! Well, okay, I'm not that old... only 22!
Y'all so much has happened since my last post. It's so ironic and crazy cause... I was saying the same thing back then that I am now! "If I can just get music done, then I'll be ready for ____!" One must wonder if at some point I will come to terms, realize it will never be done, and continue on with my life regardless, allowing music to follow me wherever I go. But I still hold steadfast to the idea that I will finish the songs I am currently working on and then start working on getting my full Driver's License.
The only problem is writing more songs! They keep coming! Over and over again! Sometimes it feels like I can't escape inspiration... There was this one time I wrote two full songs just when trying to make a COVER for one song! Talk about crazy amiright?? XD
Not only have I been making more songs myself, but I have been helping a friend or two make songs, too!
I am at a weird crossroads in my life. I don't know what path to go down and how to go down it. An 8 hour job depresses me (clinically) so I'm tempted to get a loan to go to school for what I want to do (worship lead) and pay it back when I get a job that doesn't make me wanna die over time. But sometimes I'm not even sure about that. Everything is on a big hold bc of music and I honestly can barely stand it anymore. I try and I try to get songs done but then more come, leaving some incomplete and others on hold, while others lay nearly forgotten after being put off for quite possibly a year or MORE. It seems like an impossible goal. Even at church things are developing in weird ways and honestly I don't know whether to think it's stagnant or on the cusp of breaking through. My uncle has offered me a car but I need to get a license first. And my Mom needs to clean up her entire house but she's a slow worker and I have other things to do. Sooner or later I just have to sit down, make a choice for myself, and grow up, in a way... Not having a girlfriend or wife is lame, too. Not having money is lame, because I can't promote my music. But girls come to guys with money and definite life paths. And money comes to those who work. The fact that my Dad is paying for a cheap promotion for my new album is incredibly generous. But I can't expect God or life to hand my life to me on a platter. Maybe I trivialize the work I do. Or maybe I don't work enough. Maybe I don't know how to work. I spend many hours on my music each week.
Anyway, it's all enough to make you say "I should write a song about that!" then go "ooohhh... No........" as you remember your dilemma. But making music is the only real thing I have to do that's constructive in a lot of ways. And songs are the only way I get away from all of these life decisions and realities looming over my head like dark crows that are probably soft sheep in disguise. We'll just ignore the fact that I'm 22 and, well, in 8 years I'll be thirty. We don't have a lot of time on this earth, guys. And I don't wanna waste it. I wanna help somebody, for real. Make a difference. We'll ignore the fact I DESPERATELY need to lose weight and I am probably slowly going bald, and the fact that if I don't get a girl now it's only going to get harder from here. After all, I want to be attractive for someone!
I don't know, man. I don't know. Here's the songs I've been writing:
Goodbye - A song about saying goodbye to friends. Specifically, about the decision to leave the church I'm at to pursue my life path. Which I haven't told anyone about. Nor have I fully decided, myself.
God, the Best Gift of All (with Michael Vincent lyrics) A Christmas song but super rockin', yet in a praise and worship vibe. It's about appreciating the Christmas season and all the gifts and blessings that go with it, but recognizing God as the best gift of all and the true meaning.
Desperation - A song inspired by one line my friend Russ wrote. It's about being desperate for God and walking through darkness and emptiness. Very different for me, minor feel and dark all the way til the end when the distortion comes in.
Rewind - A "weird al goes pop punk" song that is supposed to be humorous. It's about a guy who is being WAY too honest.
Sing - A song about letting it all go and singing to God. It's great for church. My mom said it was pretty. The project has been plagued by inconsistent popping issues on the vocal tracks. It seems to be something with the project rather than the take. I am planning to inspect the raw audio of the vocal takes to see if it is okay.
Find Your Place - A straight up rock song intended to relate to a lot of young people whose lives feel pointless and to encourage them to find an answer in God.
Slipping Away - A song about someone who's slipping away, while you just love them more and more.
The Good In Me Is You - A song about how clear it is that God is all our goodness and righteousness, not ourselves.
The Rock Show - A song asking the question "What will be when the music's gone?" intended for those who have lots of fun at Rock shows. The message is that we have fun, but don't forget not to sin and don't forget God in your fun. It asks, "What will be when the music's gone?" to remind you that God is true meaning and peace. He's what's left when the music's gone, but if you don't have a relationship with Him or you are living in sin away from Him, life is empty when the music is gone.
Not to mention... my NEW ALBUM RELEASED! Lonely FANTASY! Check it out, y'all! So cool! It's gotten nearly 80 streams since January 4! It's only January 28! WHAT>.>
So there's all the songs on that that are quite interesting, too. The album tells a story of this sad love story where the guy eventually comes around to start focusing on God more as the album goes on, and realizing how he's failed. But it gets really dark and I think it tells many of my own struggles and feelings... sometimes more candidly than I would speak out loud!
I also helped my friend Mike Vincent record his song Just to Hold for his wife. It is AWESOME!
I am working on endless songs and have been struggling with achy hands lately.
There's so much to tell about life, and so little time... even when I have the whole day nearly to myself! Wow. Anyways... I look forward to the future... I guess haha. And here's the link to Spotify for my new album.